Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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