Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
