Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I deserve this hangover.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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