im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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