No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
