May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My dick has a subreddit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
