I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
