Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize