i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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