No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
