highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
