she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
