dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize