my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
