Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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