This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
