3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
