i will never coherently bang her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
