Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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