I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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