yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I stole a fireplace last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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