I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
