I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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