he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
