Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
