So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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