Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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