Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
People in love make me want to vomit
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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