Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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