maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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