between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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