She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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