it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
