Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
