so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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