i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
