People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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