So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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