my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
