I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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