I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
