Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
