God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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