Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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