oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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