he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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