OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
