Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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