did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
