Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sarcasm needs its own font
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
