Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
