i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
