You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
