I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
