There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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