That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
