She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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