If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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