I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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