Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
