bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
