I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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