he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
