My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
