you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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