he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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